This would never have been an issue if Missourians would stop chewing so much tabacco that it's has obviously backed up into their brain stems, aka acute Chewyous Nueralonus Maximus or CNM.

Sufferers display a chronic inability to form logical arguments regarding most any subject, they also exhibit involuntary mouth motions. One treatment being researched is crossing over the state line to Illinois and copping a dime bag of dope, smoke, bake, or cook-up whatever that substance in moderation thus smoothing out the thinking process. Early reports point to increased mental stability from sufferers of CNM.