Iowa, Indiana has the Music Man. Where is your corny musical?

Tim Colby
3 min readJun 26, 2021
Where does all that corn go?

Iowa, I must admit being from Wis. I’m prejudiced in such a way that makes me appreciate Illinois drivers from Chicago more than the last decade of immigrants or ex-pats streaming in from Iowa, who seem to be now living in Wis. on a weekly or permanent basis looking and possibly getting work since the frequency of Iowa license plates has not fallen compared to other states all around us, admittedly by my casual viewing skills.

I guess eastern Iowa has some industry, if that hasn’t totally rusted out of existence, but is not Iowa (yeah, it’s a cliche) corning itself into possible economic oblivion? (I realize that the Iowa state government is in a race to outdo Florida Man Ron DeSantis for whackiest anti-democratic and fascist wannabee state government), but really, if corn is king in Iowa while also possessing political clout that way outweighs its true net worth by any measure including available electoral votes, for Chrissakes, why do we even give a rip?

Corn, the yellow death that keeps on giving. Though slightly ahead in production above Illinois (America’s midwestern flatland), and the trailing Nebraska production stats, what, where, why, is/are the identifiable ROI on Iowa’s industries? The state claims it’s a leader in advanced manufacturing and research therein. I suspect much of the advancements are directed toward new & improved corn, so it can be railed and barge sailed down the Mississippi or elsewhere in the USA. So thank you Iowa for producing and distributing more corn than any other USA state. Fortunately, high fructose corn syrup has not been classified as a schedule 1. dangerous drug, at this time*. Neither has corn whiskey. But if corn products ever do make the grade as a dangerous drug, maybe the USA can double down on ethanol/gasohol production, or even that greenish bio-mass stuff, whatever that is. Better than rolling coal, right?

*Also, the best yellow death spreader in the midwest is the mega-grocer ‘Hy-Vee’, or how the high fructose corn syrup pushers are being infiltrated into midwestern markets in the USA. Check it out here.

Now about this whole fear and loathing of drug-infused immigrants, oh I’m sorry, I miswrote, according to Iowa .gov they must all be made to look like illegal immigrants, silly old me, coming straight up I-35, oppsies, miswrote again, that’s God’s Highway, not I-35, loaded to the gills with illegal drugs killing our way of life, well, I think what Medium author Erika Anne Sauter in her fabulous immigrant’s lister which is the whole point of this lovely Saturday morning rant, in it’s insightful greatness, with a slight dash of satire! I’m thinking that to enhance income for Iowan citizens start thinking this, with all the homegrown meth labs all over rural Iowa, Iowans could probably sell home-produced illegal drugs anywhere south of the USA border in this hemisphere. Marketing genius I say! Finally, Iowa like under recent Wis. Governor Scott Walker can be ‘Open For Business!’ (Foxconn not included in this writing), and if Iowa wanted to be smarter than most of the Wis. voters and legislature (Not a high bar Iowa, by any stretch, just sayin) get that Mary Jane Dope going as an extra rotation crop in-between soybeans and sunflowers. YeeHaw! Is there hope in Dope? according to P46, not so much, oh well, there’s also hash brownies and dope-infused chocolate raisins and coffee beans. Won’t wreck the lungs so much, but nutritionally, well, meh.

That’s it Iowans, check out the ‘lister’ link above for some real Medium pro-writing on the vast depths of Iowan political genius. 1–1/2 electoral votes by Medium writer Erika Anna Sauter. (Ah, let’s forget about the last 2020 Dem Primary vote-counting debacle. Shall we?, I mean if Mericka is going to go all political Gaga-Googoo over a state, let’s at least pick a state like Florida, or Ohio, as real competition, ‘bring out the knives!’ I say.)



Tim Colby

Grad: Whats-a-mata-U, Mayor: Foggybog, Wi., Awards: Medium response run-on-sentence-king, Medium response all-over-the-place trophy