BTW: Late-stage golfism syndrome can be identified by observing older guys sitting on the suburban sofas in an almost near-catatonic state using what muscle memory remains for golf clapping, this pre-death stage of the syndrome only lasts about 24 hours and then, certain death.

Good news: Certain groups have stepped up to fight this syndrome, specifically the North American underground mammal and rodent association (NAUM&RA). They are buying up golf courses and shutting them down since they are kind of useless anyway.